From American Dream to Horrible Nightmare?
“Why do we let children buy guns? They can’t purchase alcohol or cigarettes in this country until age 21. But deadly weapons? Under federal law, you need to wait until 21 to get a handgun, although there are easy ways around that restriction. If you’re 18 and want a semiautomatic assault rifle? No problem, except for a handful of states with stricter rules — and those are being challenged in court as unconstitutional.” —Ruth Marcus, Washington Post
As an immigrant and a mother of two children and the stepmother of another two this is a question that does not quiet in my brain.
This is the 27th school shooting in the USA in 2022 and we are still debating: Are guns worth more than the lives of our children?
I am furious. I feel my thoughts racing and I ask myself: When did this all start?
We have all heard the term “The American Dream.”
For many years people all over the world came to America searching for a place of unlimited opportunities, a land where you could raise your children safe and provide them with a great education. Hollywood, Coca Cola, Jeans, Burgers, and so many other incredible inventions were absorbed by other cultures who made them their own.
Growing up in Brasil, those who had Adidas sneakers and Levi’s Jeans held a higher social position among the school kids. I remember I couldn’t contain myself when McDonalds opened their first restaurant in Rio and we would all dress up to go for dinner. America was, for us, a place to look up to. Everything in America was better and we all wanted in.
I moved from Brasil to America in 1999 with my son to build a family, hoping for a safer place with better working opportunities. About a year after my arrival, the world watched planes collide with buildings in my backyard in Manhattan.
I remember running on the streets to get my son out of school as there was no public transportation and the city froze.
My husband, a doctor at a NYC hospital, waited for the victims to arrive. There were none. Everybody died, the only ones that were treated at nearby hospitals were the ones that left the building before the towers collapsed.
I came from a violent country. We had a culture of corruption—poverty, crime, drugs. But I was immediately shaken by this terrorism at my own door. This was a new kind of violence that I would not have expected to witness in the United Stated, even less in New York City.
So back to The American Dream. The term first came from writer and historian James Truslow Adams in his book Epic of America.
“That dream of a land in which life should be better and richer and fuller for every man, with opportunity for each according to his ability or achievement.”
The phrase was repeated over history from Martin Luther King Jr. to Toni Morrison. It is the idea of American exceptionalism. Everything here is bigger and better.
But what is the price of wanting to be the best?
One of the biggest cultural shocks I had when I moved to the USA was the cold environment of the elementary schools. My 3-year-old son came from a school in Brazil where his teachers would give warm hugs and help him get dressed with no fear of being sued. The children were encouraged to find their own talents and were offered many different opportunities to experiment. Sexual harassment was not part of the Kindergarten curriculum.
Once here, Rafael found himself in an environment where physical touching was prohibited and being good at something was not enough. He needed to be THE BEST!
His first school acceptance test was taken at age 4. Well, that wasn’t enough either. He needed recommendation letters too.
Oh, and one more thing, playdates needed to be scheduled and only with the kids that the parents would approve the friendship. We said goodbye to his free and spontaneous childhood days.
By the time he was 4, my son had recommendations, an agenda, and a test score.
There is something else we need to talk about that is connected to recent events. American mental health has deteriorated over the years. Our children died of suicide this year at an alarming rate.
I have seen teenagers cutting their wrists in their high school bathrooms more than once.
While I do think we need to pass gun control law immediately, I also think we need to rethink our society and pay attention. What messages are we sending to our children?
It is time to take a step back. Let’s wake up from the dream and leave our ambitions aside for a moment. There is nothing more important in the world than the lives of our children, it is our responsibility to make sure that we give them a chance to turn this ship around.
About the Author:
Ilana is a journalist and entrepreneur from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. She is passionate about helping people find their voices and pursue their dreams. It is never too late to start and never too early to change.
