When family rules no longer apply
Rules are important when raising your children. But what happens when you wake up one day and all the rules you have been trying so hard to implement no longer apply?
Rule #1: Minimize screen time All the time is screen time.
Not long ago, spending hours in front of the screen meant less time reading, socializing, creating, and being outside. According to studies, excess screen time could harm kids’ school performance. I was truly afraid that my kids would lack socializing skills because they spent so much time on the computer. Screen time in my house was only allowed after all school work was done and up to 9 PM.
Cyber bullying has always been one of my concerns, since we all know it can lead to public humiliation. In addition, I always tried to monitor who my kids connected with online as predators roam free in this environment.
Today, virtually every interaction my daughter has is on the computer. School, extra curricular activities, physical activities, socializing, traveling…she can even tour future colleges online now. If one day I thought it was hard to keep track of her online activities now it has become virtually impossible.
And with all the sadness of being locked in an apartment, far from her friends with her teen dreams interrupted for a moment… My husband and I actually catch ourselves cheering when we hear her laughing with her friends online at 11PM on a Sunday night.
School online, not surprisingly, has been shown to be much less appealing to our teens than Tik Toking, and according to them, Whatsapp has shown to be a better learning place than school.
As we try to keep up with our kids, we become more techie. We all start to get the same jokes during the day from viral memes and videos. We all agreed to put our phones down during dinner, the only family electronic rule that is still intact. For now.
Rule #2: Get out of the house Stay at home all the time.
We always reinforced the importance of getting out of the house, turning off the TV and breathing fresh air. Well, needless to stay, this one is completely gone. As New Yorkers, our kids are lucky if they can get their noses out of the window’s crack… So for God’s sake STAY AT HOME! I have been trying with no success to encourage my teen daughter to exercise in the living room … since the beginning of her adolescence her bedroom has become her hiding place.
Rule #3 SATs are a priority, get ready! SATs are optional now in mosts schools
And this is a big one. Junior year is one of the most stressful years for teeagers, it is when they start to choose what colleges they would like to apply to and study hard for the SAT. With all the changes in the school system the test has now become optional, which means a big relief to all the Juniors. So there is no need to spend all the time studying for the test. Go find other interests, create a new project, try something new. I actually like this one.
Rule #4 Dogs are not allowed in school, on your bed or on the dining table Dogs are allowed everywhere.
LOL, forget this one. The first online class my daughter had, everyone was holding their blankets and hugging their furry friends. Since then, Kiki is the happiest dog on the planet. She has been learning math, eating people’s food and sleeping on a very comfy bed.
The Silver Lining.
I don’t think I can see the silver lining of this collective nightmare yet, but, some of the rules that were never followed magically just started to work in our favor.
Cleaning the house, making our own beds, helping in the kitchen are some of them. I never thought I would hear my kids volunteering to do the laundry, but “quarentimes” has proved me wrong.
And the one I like the most:
Rule #5: You will eat whatever is on your plate.
With the shortage of junk food in the house, no trip to fast food chains and mommy driving the stove, the rule now is either you eat it or you don’t. And better be careful when you don’t like my cooking. You may be randomly selected to wash the dishes.
So, I have been learning that it is OK to be more flexible with our rules. The biggest rule of all is that my children know they can lean on me during this tough time and that this will bring us even closer together.
Maybe I’m being ambitious here, but I also hope they will remember to wash the dishes, do the laundry and compliment my cooking (even if they don’t mean it).
About the Author:
Ilana is a journalist and entrepreneur from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. She is passionate about helping people find their voices and pursue their dreams. It is never too late to start and never too early to change.
