Please, like me!
So here I am begging you: please like me!
Desiring to be liked is familiar to me.
Long before the existence of social media, when having a cool rotary dial red telephone was a thing and cell phones were gadgets only seen on James Bond’s movies, I craved acceptance.
Rejection started early in my life. I was an ADD child, with a passion for the arts and an oppositional personality. At the time, ADD was an acronym for A Dumb Disorder and it wasn’t a diagnosis with a treatment, but instead just one more way that I didn’t belong.
At school I tried to walk near the cool kids group, always walking behind them and hoping to be one of them. It was the 70’s and for some reason my mother decided to adhere to the extremely short hair style for us girls. I looked like a boy.
But the worst was that my inner wild child began climbing trees, playing sports, and running on the patio with the guys. So, in addition to looking like a boy, I behaved like one too. At that time, I got labeled as a Tomboy.
The more I tried to fit in, the more I was rejected. I took last place in all the girly beauty contests (I wonder why) and I clearly remember having to actually get into a fight for the second to last place. And I lost.
According to my school classmates I was something in between the cool kids and the losers. So, I became comfortable being called “medium”.
As time passed I started to look for ways to fit in. I let my hair grow out (or rather it was growing up and not down), begged someone to bring me Nikes from the U.S. and started to smoke cigarettes. Boy, that made me feel like one of them. Or maybe not.
Life moved on, and the need to be liked only increased. My low self esteem drove me to the wrong guys and I would spend hours looking at that cool red phone at my parent’s house, waiting for that special call. One day it took so long and I got so frustrated that I threw the phone at the wall. And that was it. No more phone for me. Those were the old days when parents were tough.
In the family I alternated between being the bad influence cousin and the fun crazy kid. I lived in time out. Sometimes I’d be in there for months at a time. I guess, love at that time was expressed differently.
Yes, there was bullying. But, it was restricted to a classroom or sometimes, if you did something really bad, the whole school.
And here I am in 2020. I am still on the search for acknowledgment and love, but the game has changed. We get instant rewards. It is all about how many likes you can get on your post and how quickly you get them. The innovations of modern life allow us to show up with long or short hair, blue, blonde; anything is possible with the help of technology, including erasing the not so wanted wrinkles, earned over the years.
I believe the majority of people out there seek acceptance, including you reading this post. I can anticipate already that I like you for that very reason.
To like or not to like?
Really it doesn’t matter.
It took me a long time to realize that trying to please others is not the best way to go. It is a long journey to discover who you are, and I can guarantee that once you do, you are the coolest one out there.
About the Author:
Ilana is a journalist and entrepreneur from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. She is passionate about helping people find their voices and pursue their dreams. It is never too late to start and never too early to change.
